Astrologically Incompetent

Horary Fun

2006-07-08T11:47:00.000-07:00

I really haven't been having much luck finding a summer job. I'm actually rather apathetic about it; I mean, I would love the extra spending money, but the application process is such a hassle. I know, I know, I'll never find a job with that attitude...

But anyways, I applied and interviewed at Target (to be a "team member," as they call it), and I was curious if I would get hired, so I decided to play around with some horary astrology. Not that I'm entirely sure what I'm doing, but I know the gist of things...

"Will Target hire me?"

Okay, the rising sign is Scorpio, so Mars is my significator. Mars is in Leo (where he's not particularly powerful - essential dignity, yes?), but in the Tenth House where I believe he "joys" - that is, his aggressive drive and initiative propel him up the career-ladder. Furthermore, from here, Mars rules the Sixth House of service-related jobs and employees.

So, that looks pretty promising.

The Moon is always the second significator in horary. Looking at her, she's in Libra, in her own face, but that doesn't really make her stand out much. She's in the 11th House of Friends, so it's interesting to note that I only applied here because a friend, a current Target "team member," suggest I should. Umm...well, she's conjunct the South Node, the "Dragon's Tail," which is a big "No," I believe. As William Lilly says:

"For the Tayle of the Dragon, I always in my practise found ... when he chanced to be conjunction with any of the Fortunes who were significators in the question, though the matter by the principal significator was fairely promised, and likely to be perfected in a smal time; yet did there ever fal out many rubs and disturbances, much wrangling and great controversie, that the businesse was many times given over for desperate ere a perfect conclusion could be had; and unlesse the principal significators were Angular and wel fortified with essential dignities, many times unexpectedly the whole matter came to nothing."

Hm, well then.

So about five minutes later, I called Target and asked them if they had reviewed my application. The manager pulled mine up and told me, "Oh, it doesn't look like we have any positions open for you right now, but we'll put you on file."

...And so Thai's job-search goes on.

8 Random Facts About Me

2006-06-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

I see I've just been tagged by the BigSky-Astrologer herself. Thanks, April. :-)

These 8 random facts...why are they so hard to come up with?

1) I have slight OCD. It's never been diagnosed officially - like, you know, by a doctor - but I don't need a degree in mental diseases to know there's something wrong when I'm leaving the car running in my driveway to double and triple-check if I turned the faucet in the bathroom off. I'm the same way about locking my bedroom door and setting my alarm clock. I know it's set, but I just can't help but check.

2) I was a really effeminate little kid up until like, the 7th grade.

3) I really like showing off in class. I know, it's bad, but what can I say? When Hamlet says Claudius is to his father like a satyr is to Hyperion and no one but me knows what the hell Shakespeare means, it's just nice.

4) I don't like dark chocolate. Milk chocolate for me, please.

5) Animated Disney musicals actually entertain me, for the most part, though I'd never admit it except, well, here.

6) I have become one of those Myspace-whores. Seems like you can't go anywhere without hearing about it now.

7) So at school, I'd always print out bits and pieces of Latin text from like, the Aeneid, and mark them up during class to keep me entertained. Isn't that a weird form of entertainment?

8) I found this random-eight-facts-thing really difficult. Don't quite understand why...

I have no one to tag here...I'm gonna go do it on Myspace.

The End is Near

2006-05-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it, I just can't believe it.

5 days and 6 Finals completes my third year of high school.

Academically, I've made it over the "hump"; my grades, as they stand at the end of this year, will pretty much be what colleges are going to see. That's not to say that Senior year doesn't matter (though, that seems to be the general consenus amongst my peers), but, for the most part, this is the end of the road: my scores up to this point are going to be meat of my high school transcripts. There's no going back to change them. And there's not much room ahead to improve.

Maybe I'm just overdramatizing, but damnit, I feel like I've settled for second-best. My grades are good, I'll admit, but they could've been better. A 3.7 is not a 4.0. As and Bs are not straight As. A 30 is not a 36. How many times have I gone to class only partly prepared? How much time have I wasted when I could've been studying? How many projects have I put off till the last minute, throwing together a mediocre job instead of a polished piece of work? That's time I'm never going to get back and now, too late in the day, I'm feeling like a second-rate student who's cheated himself out of something better.

It also doesn't help that my mother doesn't approve of my current career choice. (Okay, I know it's still just a possibility, that there's still time for change, but at the moment English education is what I feel drawn to the most; currently, it's the likeliest option, and nothing else has felt so right before.)

When I told my mother I'm planning to take the AP English and Literature tests next year, her response was "Oh, the wimpy tests? Why aren't you taking Math and Science?"

Gee, thanks Mom. Nice to see you putting your Virgo planets to work.

I can't see myself as a pharmacist or dentist or doctor or whatever it is my mother wants me to be.

I want to write and talk and tell stories.

Well, first things first: I'm going to finish my Junior year on a high note. I am going to score high on all my Finals. I am sure that an A in all of them isn't out of reach if I really commit myself. Even advanced algebra and trigonometry isn't undoable. I'm going to do it.

Solar Return 2006

2006-05-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

When I sit down to cast a Solar Return chart for the forthcoming year, I always have certain expectations of what I should see in it. For example, junior year's promise of increased workloads and responsibilities in and out of school was reflected in this year's strong 6th-House presence and heavy Saturnian influence. So, as I prepared next year's chart, I was anticipating (or perhaps, hoping!) to see a 10th-House signature, maybe with the Sun and Jupiter; you know, finish my high school career with honors, accolade, public recognition, and maybe a scholarship or two...

Ha, instead, the Sun, the most important point in a Solar Return, falls in the 2nd-House of finances and personal assets. Given the amount of money it's going to take to put me through college, I can't say this isn't appropriate, even if it is rather tongue-in-cheek...*raises eyebrow at chart*

On a more serious note, the 2nd rules more than just monetary assets; it's about our personal talents and skills (and perhaps holds clues as to how we might make money off of them). The focus of the coming year will be, then, the assessment of what natural talents and skills I have and what can be transformed into career possibilities - what can I make money off of? Given the practical nature of this house and its preference for tangible, hands-on settings, I should find real-life situations where I can practice whatever work-skills I might have and see where my strengths and weaknesses lie.

The 2nd's connection to personal values brings up another point: Do I do what makes me happy, or what makes my mother happy?

The SR Moon is in Libra in the 6th House. (It's come full circle: 2004 had the Moon in Aquarius, 2005 had the Moon in Gemini, and now the final air sign, Libra, takes 2006.) Libra has a gift for making useful connections; here, in the 6th House, it suggests I should network with people who have valuable work-experience and advice to give. Emotional (Moon) connections (Libra) in the workplace (6th House) - a network of new friends, perhaps.

(Sidenote: Yes, I am planning on finding a summer job.)

Venus is strong in this Solar Return - the 2nd House theme is hers, she rules the Libra Moon, and she is angular in the First House, close to the Ascendant, in her own sign of Taurus. (In 2004, she was the chart ruler, conjunct the Sun, and last year she was strongly angular on the Descendant, on her Venus Return point! Venus-themes have always been foremost in my mind ever since I started high school.)

The strong Venus underscores the next year's focus on assessing personal values. Something tells me that to follow a career path that doesn't truly bring me pleasure would be blasphemous to Venus...

Venus is almost exactly opposed to Jupiter in the SR chart. I'm wondering how that imagery will play itself out, but my mind's kind of fuzzy at the moment. Does it promise a year of shopping? Weight gain? Can you really have too much (Jupiter opposition) of a good thing (Venus)?

We'll see. I've got all year.

Even Homer Died Poor

2006-05-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

"Even Homer died poor."

That's what the ancient Roman writer Ovid was told by his father in response to his desire to become a poet. His father wanted his son to pursue a life in the legal system, something which Ovid had neither the propensity or cupidity for.

Tonight, I just had a similar discussion with my mother about post-high school plans and career possibilities. She once again reasserted her opposition to my going into Education: I want to teach high school English and Literature, and study the classics of Greece and Rome! (Besides writing on the side, and practicing astrology too, of course.)

"People like to say that money isn't important," she said, "It is. It's certainly isn't everything, but it is something, and sometimes you have to do what you have to do."

Funny, I don't recall seeing my teachers patrol the streets asking for a warm meal. They seem to get along just fine.

"I've always told you," she instructed me, "to do what can give you a comfortable lifestyle first. Then, with that ease of living, you'll be free to do whatever you enjoy."

Ugh, I'm finishing up high school in a year, and it doesn't take astrology to realize there's a large crossroads coming up: Do what makes me happy or do what makes me money?

I'm considering saving up for an astrological consultation with a professional sometime within the year, someone who's had many years of experience and whose writing I admire. Astrology exists to help people make important decisions in their lives, doesn't it? I've already run it by my mother before and she didn't really object; she thought the price was rather outrageous, but she left it pretty much open.

Sun-Jupiter conjunction in Gemini in the Ninth-House...even the cookbooks imply a scholarly life...

Looking Back

2006-05-22T14:45:00.000-07:00

Although there's only about 13-ish days left, the end of the schoolyear, for some reason, feels strangely far away. Usually there's a sense of urgency and anticipation around this time of year, like the pace of a movie speeding up before the climax. This year, however, things have just been business as usual. In some classes we've only just begun new units. Finals seem far-off.
So, it's weird to think that I'll be completing my third year of high school soon, which coincides - as it does every year - with my birthday, and we all know what that means...

Hey, it's Solar Return time!

Given my age, I've only done two years of solar returns for myself; really, anything before 2004 finds me too young to be really cognizant of anything in my life. But, despite having done so few, they've become my favorite forecast tool; I'm already surprised at just how accurately they capture the year ahead. (Incompetent Astrologer's Theory: Whatever house the Sun is in in the solar return chart will be the house you explore the most extensively in the year to come.)

My 2004 Solar Return found the Sun and a stellium within the 8th House; in that one year I can say I really transformed myself. My self-identity started defining itself that year: I started becoming someone whom it felt right to be, someone who felt uniquely me, someone I felt I should be. I'd never changed so drastically before. I faced the monsters lurking in my 8th-House closet and my sexuality came out: no more was it a terrifying, shameful secret, but something that I could accept and be open about. By the end of the year, it was a part of me, one known to others that I could care less about - instead of a ghost, haunting me from within.

When I sat down last year to cast my 2005 Solar Return, I anticipated signs of increased responsibility and hard work to be apparent within the chart; I'd always heard that junior year would be the busiest. Sure enough, the chart had a strong 6th-House presence, where the Sun fell, and Saturn ruled the chart. This past year I have been more involved than ever; besides the stakes going up academically, I've had numerous extra-curricular tasks and duties to keep up withe, including a few student leadership positions. As my friend Danny said, "You can never be too busy, right?" I've never been so active before. This was also the year I got my first paying job, another obviously 6th-House influence. Busy, busy, busy - as my friend Kelly quipped, "Who would we be without our extra-curriculars?"

Now, as my birthday nears, I'm turning my thoughts to my 2006 Solar Return: what could the next year bring for me, my final year in highschool, the year I'll have to apply for college?

I'll start looking into it. But, for now, I remember my 6th-House themed year isn't over yet: I have to go do my Physics homework...

Subscription Renewal

2006-05-20T19:41:00.000-07:00

So I went to the local B&N today to look for the latest issue of The Mountain Astrologer.

Ugh, it wasn't in yet. (Or maybe they've stopped carrying it...)

This is why I need to renew my subscription; such a novelty, right, to just get it in the mail?

I'm really interested to read Dana Gerhardt's article on Venus...

Gahhh, Mom, can I use your credit caaaarrrddd....

Love's Spring

2006-04-29T18:07:00.000-07:00

"No season is more fitting for Venus than Spring:
In spring the earth gleams, in spring the ground's soft,
Now the grass pokes its tips through the broken soil,
Now the vine bursts in buds through the swollen bark.
And lovely Venus deserves this lovely season,
And is joined again to her darling Mars:
In Spring she tells the curving ships to sail, over
Her native seas, and fear the winters threat no longer."

- Ovid, Fasti

It's Taurus season again, my favorite time of year. I love seeing the flowers in springtime: daffodils and narcissus, violets and tulips, the hyacinth that Apollo loves, and a dozen other flowers I don't know the names of. Even the apple trees in my yard, sacred to Aphrodite, are covered in white petals with the faintest touch of pink, my favorite blossoms of all.

As of late, I've been engrossed in a paper forEnglish class on the ancient Roman poet Ovid. It's very appropriate for the season, really - Venus and her son, Cupid, were probably Ovid's favorite deities. Love was the heartbeat of all his major works.

The flowers, the poetry...it reminds me, Shakespeare called April "Love's spring."

Hm. How true.

Perhaps, next Friday, I'll do that Santerian ritual to Venus I've been reading so much about. If Venus could turn Pygmalion's statue into his perfect woman...well, I'm sure she won't begrudge me a boyfriend...

"The day of Venus' festival had come-the day when, from all Cyprus, people thronged ... Pygmalion, having paid the honors owed to Venus, stopped before the altar: there the sculptor offered -timidly- this prayer: 'O gods, if indeed you can grant all things, then let me have the wife I want' ... And golden Venus (she indeed was there at her own feast-day) understood his prayer: three times the flame upon her altar flared more brightly, darting high into the air - an omen of the goddess' kindly care." - Ovid, Metamorphoses

Long Hiatus

2006-04-25T18:28:00.000-07:00

I really haven't had much time, energy or -admitably- desire to write much lately, and astrology only pops up in my daily thoughts every now and then, and usually only as a brief memory of what I used to do.

What sign's the Moon in tonight?

It's that time of year for us juniors: state testing.

And what a joy it is.

ACT tomorrow (the second time around for me) and then the PSAE (Prarie State Assessment Exam, for all those who aren't from Illinois.).

Though, I'm happy to say that I took the ACT earlier this month outside of school and got a 30.

Wooooo...

(Watch me do worse tomorrow, the second time around.)

I keep getting subscription renewel notices from The Mountain Astrologer. It's on my to-do list (and if it's not on yours, then it should be). Their table of contents for June/July looks interesting.

I need to sleep.

Broadcast over.

"Campus Life"

2006-03-03T19:27:00.000-08:00

What an astrologically poignant way to experience the New Moon in saintly, spiritual Pisces.

This past Monday, the night of the new moon, on a whim a friend invited me to a youth group of his.

"It's nondenominational," he said. "Not even really religious. It's fun, you should come with."

So I did.

We arrived and walked into the middle of a group discussion about Love. What is Love? When is it appropriate to tell someone you love him or her? Where do you go for Love?

New Moon in Pisces - and was everyone yearning to experience transcendental love, spirituality, Divine Grace, and merge with the Universal Consciousness?

Oh, and even though it wasn't advertised or promoted as such, the group, Campus Life, was quite obviously a Christian youth group underneath the veil. As much as my friend or any of the other members told me it wasn't, when the group leaders talk about the grace of God, when the discussion centers on God, and when the guest speaker preaches about how God brought him and his wife together and compared his pursuit of her to God's pursuit of him ("I pursued her, but she never gave me the time of day. God was also pursuing me, but I always shut him out. When I finally let Him into my life, she let me into her's. ") - come on, folks, this is a Christian youth group, can't you see??* I mean, Pisces energy is notoriously confusing, easily deluded, and more than a little oblivious, but I didn't think it was that hard to tell.

After Campus Life, my friend was driving me home with a friend of his. They smoked the entire way home.

Spiritual yearnings and an unhealthy addiction. (Surprising how often they come hand-in-hand.)

Oh well, all in a Pisces Moon.

*Not that it was a bad thing, but it certainly wasn't a very comfortable place for me.

Uninvited Guest(s)

2006-02-04T12:44:00.000-08:00

Talk about astrological timing - Pluto secretly slips into my Fourth House like some sort of bandit sneaking through the backdoor under the cover of night - and he arrives as a letter from my father's daughters.

It's a New Year's card addressed to my father, nauseatingly sweet. "Happy New Year, Daddy," they say, "We're wishing you good health and strength, wealth and happiness. We're also praying for all things holy to watch over you."

Oh, gag me please. The day I make those sentiments to my father I better have a gun to my head and sixty seconds left to live, and maybe not even then.

Of course this isn't the first time I've heard of them. Father calls them every night, usually multiple times. I've never heard him be so tender with anyone. He calls them the Thai equivalents of honey, dear, sweetheart. I've also never seen him give so much of a damn for anyone. He asks how they are, how school is, if they've eaten, are they well? Needless to say, he's never cared so much for my mother and me! He's never had an actual conversation with the son he lives with, but he'll call those daughters in Bangkok every night! Fatherly love, indeed!

Perhaps it'd be better if these were daughters born out of a previous marriage, before he met my mother. But I know that the youngest is around my age.

My Fourth House is a mysterious place. I know barely anything of my father's past, of his other children and my family relations. But with Pluto here now, I'm sure this uninvited guest will do what he does best: dig out and root up those family secrets and bring them to light.

However, I'm afraid Pluto won't be the only visitor to my Fourth House of Home and Family. My father's been petitioning forever to get his daughters' visas approved to the US. He wants them here, where he can be close to them, and probably give him the affection he can never hope to get from me. If what I've been able to piece together from eavesdropping on his phone conversations is correct, chances are they'll be here within the year. "There should be no trouble now, honey," I've heard him tell them.

Oh, on the contrary Dad, the troubles are just beginning.

Sixteen and Six Months

2005-12-10T10:44:00.000-08:00

My half-birthday was a few days ago.

I can't believe it's been six months already.

Six months sixteen, and I still don't have my drivers' license! Looking back at my solar return for the year, SR Saturn is trine SR Mars, while transiting Saturn was conjunct natal Mars. Restriction (Saturn) of mobility (Mars)?

Of course, Saturn-Mars signatures can also be about finding constructive uses for energy and working hard for the long haul to produce tangible results. There's actually a strong Capricorn-Saturn feel to the SR chart, so the capacity for hard work is there, coupled with a packed Sixth House. How appropriate too, Junior year is supposed to be most grueling.

You'd think I'd be overcome by the eagerness to do work, to tackle all my responsibilities, and to become an efficient work machine.

Well, I don't think I've ever been so loose about my schoolwork before...and it's showing. Break's in a week and I'm planning a major restructuring of my work habits for the new year, which also just happens to coincide with the Winter Solstice and New Moon in Capricorn.

Oh, and as for the very strong SR Venus? No, no wonderful boyfriend yet.

For the Love of Language

2005-11-21T14:18:00.000-08:00

"Give me Love, give me Longing now, the powers you use to overwhelm all gods and mortal men!" says Hera to Aphrodite in the Iliad, according to Robert Fagles. But to Samuel Butler, it's slightly different: "I want you to endow me with some of those fascinating charms, the spells of which bring all things mortal and immortal to your feet." And Aphrodite obliges the Queen, lending her that curious belt, which Fagles tells us contains "the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover's whisper - irresistible, magic to make the sanest man go mad." To Fitzgerald, it's woven of "the hunger of longing, the touching of lips," and to Butler "love, desire, and that sweet flattery which steals the judgement even of the most prudent."

Of late I've been reading different translations of the Iliad, comparing different authors' translations of Homer's text. I find it fascinating, all the many different ways the same text can be worded, all the different takes the authors have used into bringing the ancient Greek epic into modern English. What did you expect? - I have a Jupiter-Sun conjunction in Gemini - words are my toys! Like a child stacking blocks, one upon to other into a model building, I'm watching how many different ways these authors can arrange their blocks, all the different models that can be made. Has Aphrodite "torn her delicate hand" or "pricked her limp wrist on a golden pinpoint"? Notice what a small difference in word choice can do to the effect of the sentence!

I've always loved playing with words, even as a child. I remember always tracing word roots and finding the connections between them. Before astrology captivated my imagine, dinosaurs roamed the prehistoric landscapes of my young mind. Perhaps it was because they had such fun names - learning the Latin that composed them and then hearing the roots in other words was always fun to me. All through my schoolyears, I was known as the kid with the big (Jupiter) vocabulary (Gemini). When we have our weekly vocab quizzes in English class, everyone else seems to study frantically, while I just pick out the five or six words out of our list of twenty I don't already know. The Sabian symbol at the midpoint of my Sun-Jupiter conjunction seems to have something to say about this: "Two Chinese men converse in their native tongue in an American city." It's a poignant image; it evokes the sounds of of lively chatter, the learning of foreign (Jupiter)languages (Gemini). When my family moved here from Thailand, I was 3 years old; I guess it was easy learning English at such an age, when you're already acutely disposed to language anyways, but many of my parents' peers are surprised to find out I'm still fluent in Thai.

Just for fun, lately I've been engrossed in translating passages from classical Thai literature into English. What could bring my Gemini planets more pleasure? The wide variety of word choices, the different ways to string the words into a coherent whole, testing out the sound of one from the other - its a Gemini's playground, the love of language.

Fabulous Good Fortune?

2005-11-19T19:45:00.000-08:00

In the Thai epic Ramakian, a daughter is born to the King of Demons, the mighty Ravanna, a beautiful baby girl. But upon her birth, she utters a cry of defiance - thrice she calls out "Down with Ravanna!" Disturbed, the Lord of Demons consults his soothsayer, the court astrologer, to cast his daughter's chart. When I came across it, I couldn't resist attempting to translate the passage (see previous entry):

"So he set up a table, multiplying and dividing the measurements, adding and subtracting until a final figure was reached, following the procedures laid out in the ancient texts. Fabulous good fortune she had, a yoga-kendra configuration in the foremost of signs; her ascendant in auspicious Aries, her nakshatras brought her splendor. Exquisite was she, in her features and complexion flawless, fitting to be Brahma's bride! And so he tested her chart with that of the Lord of Demons; the first-house Moon was inimical. So he tested her chart against that of Longka's - Saturn sat heavily upon the ascendant. And so he announced that the royal daughter would bring ruin to the City of Demons."

Although it was a mess to translate*, there's something about the passage I love. It captures the image of an ancient astrologer and what his methods would be. And yet it's also remarkably modern in his procedures. Astrologers today still compare the charts of political leaders with that of their nations to see what role they might play in the scheme of things. Astrology isn't only a tool for navigating the future, it's a link into our past.

*Translation's really not the best word for it. It's not enough merely to translate the text word-for-word; the text needs to be translated in a way that retains the poetic integrity of the original, all the beautiful language, the sounds of alliteration, and whatever have you. That's much easier said than done. For example, "fabulous good fortune" is just something I've settled on after not being able to come up with anything else: วิลาศราชโชค is a mish-mash of "beauty," "royal," and "fortune." Try making sense of that in coherent English!

"What's Your Sign?!" - A Special Prism Presentation

2005-10-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

The other day I gave a quick, one hour long presentation about astrology at Prism, which is the school's diversity group and stand-in for a GSA*. We're always looking for fun, eclectic things to do and I jumped at the opportunity to debunk some of the common stereotypes about astrology and how it's practiced.

Turn-out was decent, just under 30 people, I think. It didn't do much for drawing in new members, which was what we'd hoped for by announcing it over the PA each morning, however, but it went pretty well overall. Most everyone told me it was entertaining, interesting, and fun, if not a little confusing at first.

I had the audience divide itself into groups by Sun signs as an opening activity and into rows by element. The results were interesting.

-Prism is disproportionally fire and water. Over half of the audience fit into these two rows. No wonder everyone's always so dramatic.
-Of the Earth signs, we had only one Taurus and the rest were Capricorns. Good luck trying to ground all that Fire-Water energy.
-There were no Virgos in the audience and I was the only Gemini. Does Mercury not have a taste for Prism? I guess Virgo was too busy with all those little mundane tasks on her to-do list to spare some time to come. Always the busy-body, that Virgo.

Overall, a decent presentation. :-)

*A Gay-Straight Alliance.

The Astrology of Bad Boyfriends

2005-10-07T23:14:00.000-07:00

My last boyfriend swept me off my feet when I first met him. (There was a Venus-Neptune conjunction trine my natal Sun within less than a degree that night.) He was interested in all sorts of New Age spirituality. He meditated nightly, talked about angels, reincarnation and past lives, the impermanence of material things("I'm a soul, not a body!"), and practiced reading auras, chiromancy, graphology, and clairsentinence. He also claimed to be very psychically impressionable, soaking in the "energy" of a given place like a sponge. Neptune works in veils, fog, illusions. Yet, you'd think it would have been obvious when he told me he didn't want to come over anymore because my house had bad feng shui and that all the negative energy was making him physically sick, that something was not quite right.

Not two weeks into things and who knows how many lies later, he began cheating on me without so much as a passing thought as to how it would make me feel (according to him, it didn't cross his mind even once) and he lied to me about it, too.

He had a Twelfth-House Aries Venus in a tight square to Neptune on his Midheaven, and his Taurus Sun was exactly opposed Pluto in his Seventh House.

The astrological equivalent to yellow Do-Not-Cross tape? In his case, yes.

Post - High School Ponderings

2005-07-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Seems like the only thing on everyone's mind this summer is college, post-high school plans, and the Great-Big-World-Out-There. It seems to be popping up in conversations more often than ever now. Where once before a simple question such as "What's up?" would have elicited bored "Oh, nothing's", now I'm getting "Oh, I was just looking up potential colleges," or "My mother just told me I should have atleast one more career plan picked out to discuss with her." Today one friend told me she was taking an online quiz that selects a college based on the user's answers. Having nothing better to do, I decided to give it a try. Everything went well, marking my preferences one by one...until the blasted thing asked me to fill in a major. And this is where the problem comes from: I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Where isn't a difficult question to answer; I don't want drastic change, being thrown into some far-off place totally removed from anything and anyone I've ever known. The same goes for long commutes. And going to school in another state is also out in my mind because, as a nurse at the University of Illinois at Chicago, my mother's a state employee, and I get into any state college at a slightly lower fee than other students. But when it comes to what, I'm at a loss. What will I do after high school? What will I major in? What should I be doing as a career?

One friend wants to enter the business world. Another is looking into majoring in biochemistry for a career in forensic science (or college professor as a Plan B). Still another wants to get into bioengineering. Of course, I realize that these are dreams and that dreams can change with time. These friends may have entirely different job choices by the time we graduate. And then of course there's the bit about not all dreams coming true. But all the same, atleast these people have a dream, a something to work towards, a tentative plan at the very least. But as for me, I don't know where I'm going, not even a basic idea or outline.

Okay, so that's a lie. I do have a bit of a post-high school dream and, just like any dream, it seems highly unrealistic and unreliable. I guess somewhere, I see myself opening a New Age bookstore/cafe (baked goods and refreshments, yes) where I do tarot and astrology readings from a cozy back room. I'm also a published author of books on astrology and tarot - even my tarot decks have been published. And every now and then I write an article or two for The Mountain Astrologer. Sounds great, right? Well, reality bites.

I hear that being a professional astrologer is not the most financially-dependable job out there. "What will you eat?" says my mother. "Can you really make a living off being a writer?" (I'm sure she's also thinking "Can you support me through my retirement on that paycheck?") She would rather have me in some sort of medical field like herself; she's been pushing me to get into pharmacy-tech (I could barely make it out of high school chemistry) or anaesthesiology, and in her wildest dreams I am a neurosurgeon, raking in big bucks. Needless to say, none of these sound particularly appealing to me, but here my mother compromises: "After you have a stable job and income," she says, "then you can do the rest on the side. You can write, do art, astrology, tarot - and you'll be able to pay for it too." That, actually, sounds plausible. Why can't I work a hospital shift like my mother does; in theory, I'd have plenty of time to pursue other things. But I guess in theory, many things seem possible, and the only test for this theory is to actually give it a try.

I know I'm not even remotely the only high school junior struggling with this same situation, at a crossroads upon the road of life and not knowing which way to turn. Luckily, they say that astrology is like a map, pointing out the way to fulfillment. If that's the case, then maybe I have already found my niche in life.

Saturn Ingress

2005-07-11T22:09:00.000-07:00

After dragging his shadow through Cancer for the last 2 and some odd years, Saturn is due to enter Leo in less than a week. This Saturn ingress should be a very personal one to me; my natal Moon stands at the entraceway into Leo, at 0 degrees; it seems I'll be among the first of those with major placements in Leo to feel Saturn's effects.

As Saturn's applying orb nears exact, I've been bracing myself for Saturn to strike. But strangely enough, as Saturn creeps closer and closer to my Moon, perhaps the most personal planet in the chart, things haven't been all that different. Sure, my love life's gotten me down lately and my drivers' license doesn't look like it will be coming anytime soon (due to my own lack of initiative in scheduling my final instructor hours), but on a whole, I haven't suffered any of the debilitating depression or circumstances you'd typically expect from a Saturn transit. I don't feel emotionally bereft. My body works just fine. As yet, no anvils have fallen from the sky. (Perhaps that would be more typical of a Uranus transit.) Yes, this has been a pretty uneventful Saturn transit.

Only one thing seems to be affected so far: my mother. I've guessed that she, more than anyone else, would be next in line for any misery Saturn might deal my way; the Moon is, afterall, the Mother. I don't know what's come over her lately, but she's so miserable. Her day-to-day workload is huge; she's running the household finances by herself, managing the selling of our family restaurant on her own, with all the paperwork involved, she's been trying to keep things running smoothly at home with my father out of the country and, to top it off, she's working a 3 pm - 11 pm shift as a nurse at the UIC OR.

The other night she called me on her way home from work. "I've been crying," she lamented on the other line, "I've just been so depressed." That word struck me most of all. My mother? Depressed? But that's such a strong word; I mean, I knew the woman was unhappy, but depressed is a whole 'nother ballpark. From the pieces of my mother's sob story I've been able to string together, she's been butting heads with her boss at work and received a poor on-the-job assessment from her. This was just too much for her Virgo stellium (Mercury, Pluto, Venus, Sun and Mars); my perfectionist mother's always taken great pride in the quality of her work, almost equating herself as a person with the work she does, as could be expected with such a Virgo overload. In any case, now my mother's been talking about quitting her job in favor of doing small, self-employed venues - including some get-rich-quick scheme she saw advertised late one night during an insomnia-induced fit of insanity.

Perhaps I shouldn't be counting Saturn's chickens before they're hatched; the transit's not over yet and at Saturn's pace, things tend to be delayed. (And, I was just reading an article in the latest TMA about precession-corrected transits but, at my age, just how much precession could have possibly taken place?) Who knows what karmic lesson Saturn will be coming to collect from me within the next few weeks...

As for my mother, well, who knows what plot twists are ahead in her story. I've never given her astrological story a very thorough look, but it seems like now may be a good time to start. As aging Saturn enters youthful, child-like Leo, I think my mother's finally hit That Age.

Midlife crisis.

Exploring My Own Chart: Part I

2005-07-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

It must have been in my third grade artclass that my Tenth-House Venus first made herself known. Ever since I can remember, my artwork has elicited oohs and aahs from my peers and received attention from my teachers. Why this is, I'll never understand; I don't see myself as being particularly talented or any of my work especially noteworthy - I wouldn't even describe myself as an artistic person. But, whatever my own thoughts may be, my Venus, by nature concerned about the opinions of others, turned this accolade into a very Tenth-House marketing strategy. There was a time back in the third grade when I, towards the end of artclass each week, would boldly announce that I would draw free pictures -yes, free!- for anyone interested. And of course, being young and easily manipulated, I always got quite a few requests out of my peers. I would show up to class the next day with some ridiculous chicken scratch of -oh I don't know, dinosaurs or something, as only a twisted 7 year-old can do- for my customers, most of whom had already forgotten by this time that they had ever placed an order for one.
I don't advertize my services anymore but, even now as I'm poised to enter my junior year in high school, I still get requests for artwork. I guess it's no surprise; planets in the Tenth-House describe things and qualities we are known for. The Tenth-House, at the very top of the chart, is a very public place. I like to think of it as a raised platform or stage where natal planets have to address the public at large or put on a performance for an audience. It's no wonder, then, that the Tenth-House rules reputation, image, and social status. Ask any friend of mine and they can tell you how thoroughly concerned I am about Tenth-House matters. To me, it's always about making impressions on people, acting a certain way to produce a certain reaction. Self-conscious to a T, I can't go out in public without first satisfying my Venus that I look just fine. When I don't have enough time before school to attend to every last detail, Venus panics. When, last winter, a friend unexpectedly showed up at my doorstep, I was nearly floored. There I was, standing in my doorway in boxers and an oversized T-shirt. My hair hadn't a drop of gel in it to tame its wild, lop-sided protrusions and my face hadn't seen a razor in an entire day, nevermind the look of absolute horror it displayed. I was caught, a deer in headlights, my Venus without any of the trappings to make her give off the impression of being stylish or attractive, qualities Venus craves. I was on stage without costume or makeup, and the audience was staring right at me.

My friend had, very symbolically, caught me in my Fourth-House. If the Tenth is the most public house, the Fourth is the most private. Here, away from the lights and paparazzi of the Tenth, we let down our guard. Here, we stop performing and throw off our on-stage personas. And its from here that Uranus oppposes my Venus.

Growing up, I never fit in. I was truly one of those unpopular kids, an outcast, the dorky one that got made fun of. I'll never understand why I was so unpopular; I mean, I don't know what it could have been about me to set me off so much from the others. Maybe it was because I looked like the stereotypical Asian nerd you see on bad teen movies, complete with big glasses and bad acne. But that doesn't explain why, when in the summer after 4th grade my parents sent me to the Thai temple for a summer school program, I still didn't fit in, and all of us there fit that description, more or less...

Where was I?

Oh yes, Uranus. He's said to be the planet that flaunts convention, but I wonder...to what extent is it convention that flaunts Uranus? He's the oddball, the piece that just doesn't seem to fit in with the rest. And he's a vulnerable spot in my chart. I'm always afraid that someone will see past the Venus costume and get a glimpse of the Uranus-actor for who he really is: that odd kid that never fit in, putzing around the edge of the playground without friends. If planets in the Tenth describe what we'd like to be known for, then I'd like to be known as attractive, stylish, desirable, and even sexy - classic Venus traits. But Uranus is always reminding me that I was never any of those things. I was the kid that never fit in, not the object of everyone's affections. I've always struggled with low self-esteem concerning my looks. I've never felt up-to-par with everyone else, as much as I'd like to be. But I will go to great extremes to try and come across as otherwise. When I went to the Gay Youth Group for the first time, I made sure I went as Venus. Here was group of people who'd never met me before, and I didn't want any of them even getting a hint of the person I was in the past. I spoke like I was one of those late-night talk-line girls, mimicking those silky, sensuous voices as best I could. When the topic of sex came up, I made sure to speak as if I were a pro. It was an act, and a poorly performed one at that (my friend who went with could barely control his laughter); if anything, I only raised eyebrows, the thing I'd been wanting most to avoid. But what else could I have done? If I were to boil my Venus-Uranus opposition into a single phrase, it would be: I would rather appear promiscuous than undesirable. And that's a bit of a personal motto.

All through junior high, when I couldn't feel desirable myself, which was often, I made sure my artwork got everyone's attention instead. Throughout English class, whenever we were given creative writing assignments or artistic projects, mine were always provoking. They made people say, "He did not just do/say/draw that!" in a wonderful Venus-meets-Uranus way. (And i wonder why I'm known for my artwork...) "Describe a garden scene, using rich imagery or metaphor" my teacher would say, and I would present to the class, "The creepers wound themselves around the trees like sensuous young women clinging to their lovers." My drawings were equally provocative, with scandalously voluptuous Venuses that would drive my teachers insane. It was my way of making up for the attractiveness I never felt I had in myself, for my unmet need to be seen as attractive; I expressed it on paper, in words, in drawings - in other words, through Venus.

It never ceases to amaze me just how many different ways a single set of archetypes can manifest themselves. Natal chart configurations, in particular, express themselves over the course of a lifetime. It seems that my Venus-Uranus opposition story isn't over just yet. My 2005 Solar Return strongly highlights this natal opposition, aligning these planets over the SR Ascendant-Descendant axis, with Uranus sitting right on the Ascendant. The part of myself I'd like most to keep hidden, right where everyone can see it, at the most personable part of the chart? Maybe I will make great strides this year in coming to terms with my Uranus, the child inside, still afraid he'll be made fun of if he can't look as good as everyone else. Uranus on the SR Ascendant demands I develope a distinct personality, on my terms, not playing up to the standards of others. At her worst, Venus is only concerned about the opinions of other's, equating herself to what others think of her, or only looks at outside appearances. This is my year to come to terms with Uranus and become as much of a character as I'd like, flaunting convention and the expectations of others, daring to be seen as weird, eccentric, and yes, perhaps even dare to be a little different.